Shag Pile - Did you know?
Updated: Jun 10, 2018
Back in the swirling mist of time when the earth was still cooling, some call it the late 60’s early 70’s the shag population was hunted to near extinction. It was discovered that essence of shag, more commonly known as “pile” could be extracted from the
healthiest individuals and used in the production of floor coverings. The fashion industry went nuts for it. Greedy pile traders began extracting “pile” from the shag population the world over.
Unfortunately for the shag, once the essence of shag had been extracted, their ability and desire to reproduce was severely impeded. The once mighty hunter became sad and listless and in the rivers where great gulps (a group of shags) once hunted
freely, the population was reduced to a few scrawny individuals devoid of any enthusiasm for life.
It has always been known that when times are tough a great shag would appear to help. Then as if on cue, just when things were at their bleakest, into the breach waddled a hero. The other pileless shags began forming committees, having think tanks and lobbying governments. Badshag, who had managed to avoid having his precious essence tapped, took matters into his own feathery hands. He started raiding the houses of the well to do trend setters and ripping up their plush shag pile carpet
to expose beautifully polished floor boards.
As more and more people woke to find their floorboards exposed they realised they had no choice but to create a new trend. With some clever marketing and a few designer labels this trend quickly gathered momentum. The population was swept up in a wave of floorboard euphoria and the pile industry was destroyed overnight. The greedy pile traders had no one interested in purchasing their once precious pile and now it was their turn to wander aimlessly back to wherever they came from.
Badshag was given a civic reception and a ticker tape parade for his efforts. He decided to stay in the T-shirt fashion industry so he could continue to steer influence away from anything that would ever again harm his beloved species.
These days he is the poster boy for a global Tshirt empire specialising in streetwear and surfwear designer T-shirts and other apparel. He does a few speaking engagements and a bit of fishing but generally prefers a life out of the spotlight.